Am I A Slut Shamer?

So I may get mixed reviews on this post but something has really gotten under my skin lately. For the last year or so I've been recieving messages from a guy on Grindr. At first he seemed like a nice guy, he's not my particular type but it's always nice to have someone to chat with every now and then. When he first started sending me a messages, they let to very very benign conversations. "Hello, how are you." that kind of stuff.

As the year progressed the conversations stopped and the soliciting began. "Hey man, you want head?" quickly became a daily message. I would always respond with a polite no thanks, but the messages kept on coming. But  apperently he's had enough of me turning him down. 

Now, I should say that I've never actually laid eyes on the guy in person. He would offer his place to hangout in or want to come over and watch a moive but after the "looking" messages started, I had neither the time or the desire hang out. Up until a week ago he'd always been polite. I'd turn down his offer of oral gratification, he'd take it in stride and that would be the end of it. 

Last Friday I logged onto Grindr to find this message of apology. 

"Hey man, I've been told I can come off a little sexually aggressive and I wanted to apologize if I've offended you."

I'm human and if someone hasn't done anything wrong there's no need for them to apologize. His messages were nothing more than an mild annoyance, something I could easily deal with. So I replied with, what I thought, was a simple, clean cut response.

"No offense taken. It's cool."

His next message was the last straw for me. 

"Ok good. You want to come by for some head?" 

I didn't reply back. I've spent the last year telling this guy that I didn't want to hook up and that he wasn't my type. I even managed to hold my tongue when he offered to come over and "service" me and my platonic roommate at the same time. Now maybe it was wrong of me to log off my app and ignore the message. I could have very easily have said "no thank you." for the umpteenth time but I was tired of dealing with it. Later that night I got a message that, I feel, was totally uncalled for.

"Who are you to shame me for enjoying sex. You are a small, bitter person who would rather judge others then get to know someone who just wants to be your friend. Forget I ever offered to suck you off."

Okay, done. My problem with this guy isn't that he wants to fool around with me. Honestly I'm kind of flattered that someone would find me attractive enough to make a long term effort to get into my pants. The reason this exchange has bugged me the way it has is because I'm not judgmental, at least I try not to be. If he would have taken no for an answer and tried to have an actual conversation with me, then fine maybe we could have hung out as friends. I realize Grindr is a hookup app but does it mean I have to take ever offer for sex not to be labeled a slut shamer?

As of right now, I've not heard from the guy again. He's not blocked me nor have I responded to his message. 

Movie Suggestion: Kink.com

New to Netflix this month is the documentary Kink.com. A great inside look at the BDSM porn industry. With hearing so many stories about the seedier side of the porn industry in general, it's refreshing to see a documentary deptic and professional, well ran and often humorus company. It's documentires like this that help bring pornography out of the shoadows of poorly lit adult stores. Bravo!

As you might imagine, the documentary has some graphic sexual language and nudity. I know most of you probably don't care but I thought it was worth a mention. If you've got a Netflix account check it out. It's well worth a quick binge.

Fantasy or Reality?

If you watch porn, and I know most of you do, or you read erotica, please for the love of god read erotica, you've probably noticed some fairly obvious similarities. Put aside all the well toned bodies and the oversized appendages for a minute and look at the bigger picture. Most companies use the stereotypical male archetypes to sell their wears. I myself am guilty of using quite a few in my writing. 

But what is so appealing about these fantasy men? The hairless impressionable twink, The uniform clad cop, the solider wearing nothing but his dog tags and a smile, the frat boys in their backwards caps and muscle tees, they all have one thing in common. They are Men. Gay men seem to eroticize the idea have two "real" guys getting it on.

Is this fantasy any different then when straight men get all hot and bothered watching two women? I mean, it's basically the same primise. Do we believe that straight men behave this way when no one is looking? I'm sure some of us do. And so, I've decided to ask my readers to get involved. 

I'd love to hear from some of you guys on this subject. I realize not all of you are going to be turned on my the lumberjack, marine, jocks of the world but that totally cool. I want to hear about all kinds of guys and why they do it for you. If you are into the sterotypical male, or you ARE one that so happens to like guys. I want to hear from you too. Let me know you're real and not just a fanstay of porn or erotica. 

There's no time limit for this so shoot me an email at PatrickMonsoon@gmail.com

I'll edit down the best posts and pop it on the blog. All emails will be posted as anonymous in you request a pseudonym. I'm not afraid of a dirty mind but let's keep it legal. 18 and up please.

Patrick Monsoon M.I.A

Its been months since my last post to "Inside the Dirty Mind." and for that I am sorry. I've been hopelessly lazy when it comes to blogging and I hope to change that. But in my defense, I've been really busy dipping my fingers into a bunch of different pies and hope to have some very exiting news within the next couple months. 

For now, you'll have to be happy getting updates about me being single, the pain of writers block and random thoughts on the topic of sex. I've stressed too much about turning my blog into a brand (building a following, selling books and maintaing a professional online presence.) but I'm throwing all that out. From now on you're going to get a real glimpse inside the dirty mind on Patrick Monsoon

Stay tuned!

Whats Your Sex Degrees of Separation?

Thanks to the good people at Lloyds Pharmacy, a large chain of drug stores in the UK for those not in the know, we have a truly horrifying glimpse at how many sexual partners you've actually had. Follow the link below and fill in your age and the number of sexual partners you've had and watch that number climb into six and seven digits. The idea behind the calculator is simple and is posted in a short article in the link so I won't reiterate it here. I will say that this, in my humble opinion, is a perfect object lesson in safe sex so it's definitely worth a look.


While you're here, I'm going to recommend you to pick up a copy of my first book "Sex Degrees of Separation". I've attached the links below and you can visit any of them to read the first chapter of the book for free. I try to support budding authors by buying their work and leaving reviews when I'm done reading. I'd like to say thanks to those who do the same.


Calculator: http://calculators.lloydspharmacy.com/SexDegrees/


Sex Degrees of Separation Links:

Amazon: http://goo.gl/WNCzik

B&N:  http://goo.gl/SN0xQk

Allromance: http://goo.gl/mf919y

Sex Degrees of Separation Promo and Excerpt

Wanted to post a short excerpt from my first release "Sex Degree of Separation" as well as some links to websites where you can get a copy. Take a look and enjoy.  

Description


Seven men, One connection; Sex Degrees of Separation. 
Brian and Joe had engaged in a mild flirtation for years, but all bets are off when Joe walks in on Brian during a moment of personal bliss. Told through a series of seven steamy shorts, Sex Degrees of Separation follows the connections between two friends through their past sexual encounters. With stories ranging from a married lawyer seeking fulfillment with the stud next door to a bartender seducing a patron into some back alley action, Sex Degrees of Separation brings intensely intimate moments full circle to tell a story of unrequited lust and a romance years in the making.




Excerpt

   I stripped down to my underwear and stood in front of the full length mirror attached to the back ofthe bathroom door. As I took in my reflection, I saw my thin farm boy build that only years of manuallabor can produce, and my tan skin, looking slightly pale under the harsh florescent lighting. Slowly, Iran my hand up and down my chest, bringing my small dark nipples to intense bullet points. Runningback down my torso, my fingers grazed the waistband of my white briefs. My cock swelled slightly as Islipped one finger under the elastic, feeling the soft patch of pubic hair underneath.   Days of working late and waking up early had deprived me of any company, not the warmth ofanother body or even my own left hand. The last couple of days had left me with a raging hard-on at theoffice, work sites, and just about every commute. My bulge strained the front of my briefs, the fabricslowly pushing outward as my cock rose with excitement. I needed to stroke one out very, very soon.   I pulled my hand from my briefs before my lust got the best of me. I turned the shower tap on as hotas it would go. It hissed to life, I dropped my briefs and stepped under the spray. The hot watercascaded down my skin, washing away days of stress and sexual frustration. Twenty minutes later, I wasout and feeling alive again. Scooping my dirty clothes off the floor, I went back to my room with mycock leading the way.   Letting my clothes fall to the floor, I sat damp and naked on the edge of the bed. The flaredmushroom tip of my prick stared back up at me. I knew Joe probably wanted to go out tonight, but myphone still hadn’t rung. I figured I had a few minutes to spare.


Pick up a copy of Sex Degrees of Separation today. Available at any of the links below.

Amazon.com
http://goo.gl/WNCzik

Barnes&Noble.com
http://goo.gl/0LqZli

iTunes

http://goo.gl/hjkQqv

Allromanceebooks.com
http://goo.gl/mf919y

Amazon.co.uk
http://goo.gl/0LqZli

Sex Degrees of Separation is widely available internationally. If you have any problems locating a copy in your country please send me a message and I'll do my best to help.

Fun with Fetishes: Puppy Play

Since the success of 50 Shades of Gray, interests in fetish and kink lifestyles have been on the rise. It seems like people are feeling more free to explore their once secret desires and I for one applaud it. As long as these practices are safe outlets for sexual expression that doesn't harm anyone it should be considered healthy and shouldn't be hidden. It's time to have Fun with Fetishes.

Recently I had to privilege to talk to an individual that not only embraces his fetish but takes pride in his role as a pup. I'll be the first to admit I wasn't to familiar with Puppy Play but with an increasing number of pups making appearances on apps like Scruff, Recon and Grindr I though it was time to change that. Recently, the Founder of the ATL-PAH and Midwest Puppy 2012, Pup Hercules was kind of enough to swap some emails with me and give me a crash course in the ins and outs of Puppy Play. Presented below is a small question and answer session we had just this morning.


Q: So, how did you get interested in puppy play?

I was talking to a friend from Kansas City, MO. We met up and during our play session we had a small pup play scene where he taped my legs up to keep me on my knees, wrapped my hands into fists and put a pup hood on me. I was instantly in love with it.

Q: What is your favorite part of being a pup/play scenes?

In my opinion, the best part is when you get to play with your handler/daddy/sir one on one. The scene gets more intimate and you get to create a bond you share between each other. There is almost no comparable feeling. It's true happiness for me when i'm on all fours, being a pet, held close and playing around with that person.

Q: Daddy and Sir? Those are terms popularly connected to Domination and submission. Do you see puppy play as another facet of the BDSM lifestyle?

There is definitely an aspect of Dom/sub in pup play. Such as Sir/pup, Daddy/pup, Handler/pup, there is also Trainer/sub and Alpha(pup)/Beta(pup). Being a pup used to be a punishment for "slaves" and "boys" in the sub community. As time went on this was not really the case anymore. Pup play became more of something that people enjoyed a lot and weren't "humiliated" by doing such things. There are a lot of pups out there who aren't into Dom/sub. They just like being a puppy and there's no shame in that. Those pups tend to enjoy being in the head space and being in that situation.

Q: I've talked to a few guys that don't see puppy play as part of the BDSM community, even though there are a lot of the same interests (Dom/sub, binding, leather and gear. Do you think the pup community should be set apart from other lifestyles?

I don't see it as separate. We are all one big community. If Dom/sub isn't your thing then it's just not your thing. We are all in the community whether you are into leather, rubber, gear, adbl, etc. I don't see any separation.

Q: Have you had to deal with any misconceptions people may have with the lifestyle?

Yes, one of the most common misconceptions is that pup play had bestiality in it. Which is 100 percent not true. We do not have sex with real animals. That is a whole separate fetish. Another one being that to many Dom's think that they can walk up to a pup and automatically claim it as theirs. I will just say personally, if someone came u to me in person their ass would be grass.

Q: Is there a typical relationship model that is followed in the pup community? Meaning is it more typical for a handler or sir to have more than one pup or a pup to have multiple betas?

It really just depends on who you are talking to. Me personally, I have 1 sir and multiple betas. I think I can say in general most people only have 1 sir. It really depends person to person.

Q: This may be too personal of a question but do you have sexual relationships with your betas?

I tend to. I don't usually take on a beta that I'm not physically attracted too.

Q: Is there any advice you'd give to someone who's new to puppy play? Safety concerns, setting limits, etc.

I would try and find a local pup group in your area. Make sure you have knee pads if your knees aren't so tough. Most importantly, you need to have fun.



I'd like to thank Pup Hercules; Midwest Puppy 2012 and Founder of the ATL-PAH, for taking time to answer some of my questions and hopefully dispel some misconceptions about Puppy Play. If anyone has any questions or comments about Puppy Play, I would look forward to hearing them.



I hope to make the Fun with Fetishes post a fairly regular thing but that takes helps from readers and people in different lifestyles. If you are interested in talking about your fetish please hit me up. I do have a few guidelines, all fetishes covered here must be legal (no underage, animals, criminal acts) and fetish covered will be at my discretion. I am not promoting or encouraging any kink or fetish but I would like to remind and encourage everyone to always be safe and play safe.