The Bitter Debate

According to a 2011/2012 survey conducted by the Romance Writers of America, 91% of romance readers are women. This is fact probably not surprising to most authors. However in 2013, Jessica Freely, author of the article listed below, conducted a survey based solely on readers of gay romance. What she found was that a staggering 85% precent of gay romance readers in her survey were also women. A large portion of her participants came from the M/M romance group over at Goodreads.com.

While this may surprise some, this data hardly made me bat an eye. It seems I can't log onto Facebook without seeing someone, authors of gay romance and erotica, discussing this, somewhat, hot button issue. The most popular question, at least that I've seen, is the ever imflamatory "are women equipped to write love stories about gay men.". This is a double sided question that will always have conflicting views. Since the majority off the readers of gay romance and erotica are women, it's obvious that women authors will always have a place in the genre. While I, personally, enjoy my gay erotica written by men, I don't wish to bad mouth women on any facet. Some of my most favorite authors are women and my early literary education was based on some of these women.

That being said, I believe most male authors write gay romance and erotica for men. While women write for women. We know what it's like to be in the emotional mindset we write about. The heated sexual encounters that happen between two men are something we've experienced first hand. Every romance novel, or short story, written by a gay male author for a gay male audience may not be squishy, stereotypical romance material but it is written from a place of true knowledge.

If a male author tried to capture a concise picture of the emotional, and physical, reaction of the female orgasm, which I know a male author has tired to do, it probably wouldn't be able to live up to the same standards of what an actual woman has experienced. The same is true for men. The majority of the public would have a problem with a white, male author going on a publicity tour and telling world that they know what it is to struggle as black man because he did a little research for a book. The same is true for straight, women authors. 

Now, I don't wish to see my comment section or inbox filled with angry comments from women authors, and those who love their work, but I realize it may happen. The entire reason I am writing this post is not to anger people but to rally my gay male constituents. If we want to write stories for gay men, we have to get gay men to read more romance and erotica. We need to stop arguing who can do it better because of course we can capture what it's like to be gay men better than anyone else. That's a no brainer. 

Source Article:

http://popularromanceproject.org/reading-gay-romance/

App Etiquette Rule no. 1: Don't Say Hello with Your Dick.

There are some rude ass people on the internet. Most of us have probably had our fair share of trolls and loud mouth bigots but I think the fact bares repeating. If you turn your attention to the apps that are supposed to help gay men connect (Grindr, Scruff, Skout, Jack'd, etc.) you'll be pleased to find a surplus of these rude people. In the last week I have been sent pictures of several unmentionables, invited to two separate orgies and had a guy offer to litteraly eat my feces. 

Knowing that these apps are designed for hookups and not dating, I realize that some of these propositions are unadvoidable and they really don't bother me. The problem is our sex lives have been diminished to the equivalent of checking out guys junk at a urinal.

On a good day you might get a guy that tells you his name before he asks you to bend over and grab your ankles but most of the time you just end up with one word, "looking? Or "into?", or a picture of a strangers tiny dick. I'm not looking for romance, well I mean I am but doubt I'll find it there, but would a little please and thank you be too much to ask before you try to get into my pants?

I think a little trip to the Emily Post school of cruising manners is in order for a certain population of app users. To save poor old Emily the trouble I've started pulling together a few rules of App Etiquette. I'll be posting new ones from time to time but I'd love to hear from some readers. If you've got something that really gets under your skin, hit me up with a comment, tweet, or email and I'll add it to the list. 

Twitter @P_Monsoon

Email patrickmonsoon@gmail.com

Rule 1. Do not send pornagraphic pictures as a greeting. 

Unless your hung like a mule, most men will not be completely awe struck by your dick. Furthermore, pressing the camera of your phone to your anus for apicture is not sexy. These are not proper greetings when trying to pick up a guy. Instead try "hello", you'll find it works with more regularity. 

Am I A Slut Shamer?

So I may get mixed reviews on this post but something has really gotten under my skin lately. For the last year or so I've been recieving messages from a guy on Grindr. At first he seemed like a nice guy, he's not my particular type but it's always nice to have someone to chat with every now and then. When he first started sending me a messages, they let to very very benign conversations. "Hello, how are you." that kind of stuff.

As the year progressed the conversations stopped and the soliciting began. "Hey man, you want head?" quickly became a daily message. I would always respond with a polite no thanks, but the messages kept on coming. But  apperently he's had enough of me turning him down. 

Now, I should say that I've never actually laid eyes on the guy in person. He would offer his place to hangout in or want to come over and watch a moive but after the "looking" messages started, I had neither the time or the desire hang out. Up until a week ago he'd always been polite. I'd turn down his offer of oral gratification, he'd take it in stride and that would be the end of it. 

Last Friday I logged onto Grindr to find this message of apology. 

"Hey man, I've been told I can come off a little sexually aggressive and I wanted to apologize if I've offended you."

I'm human and if someone hasn't done anything wrong there's no need for them to apologize. His messages were nothing more than an mild annoyance, something I could easily deal with. So I replied with, what I thought, was a simple, clean cut response.

"No offense taken. It's cool."

His next message was the last straw for me. 

"Ok good. You want to come by for some head?" 

I didn't reply back. I've spent the last year telling this guy that I didn't want to hook up and that he wasn't my type. I even managed to hold my tongue when he offered to come over and "service" me and my platonic roommate at the same time. Now maybe it was wrong of me to log off my app and ignore the message. I could have very easily have said "no thank you." for the umpteenth time but I was tired of dealing with it. Later that night I got a message that, I feel, was totally uncalled for.

"Who are you to shame me for enjoying sex. You are a small, bitter person who would rather judge others then get to know someone who just wants to be your friend. Forget I ever offered to suck you off."

Okay, done. My problem with this guy isn't that he wants to fool around with me. Honestly I'm kind of flattered that someone would find me attractive enough to make a long term effort to get into my pants. The reason this exchange has bugged me the way it has is because I'm not judgmental, at least I try not to be. If he would have taken no for an answer and tried to have an actual conversation with me, then fine maybe we could have hung out as friends. I realize Grindr is a hookup app but does it mean I have to take ever offer for sex not to be labeled a slut shamer?

As of right now, I've not heard from the guy again. He's not blocked me nor have I responded to his message. 

Movie Suggestion: Kink.com

New to Netflix this month is the documentary Kink.com. A great inside look at the BDSM porn industry. With hearing so many stories about the seedier side of the porn industry in general, it's refreshing to see a documentary deptic and professional, well ran and often humorus company. It's documentires like this that help bring pornography out of the shoadows of poorly lit adult stores. Bravo!

As you might imagine, the documentary has some graphic sexual language and nudity. I know most of you probably don't care but I thought it was worth a mention. If you've got a Netflix account check it out. It's well worth a quick binge.

Fantasy or Reality?

If you watch porn, and I know most of you do, or you read erotica, please for the love of god read erotica, you've probably noticed some fairly obvious similarities. Put aside all the well toned bodies and the oversized appendages for a minute and look at the bigger picture. Most companies use the stereotypical male archetypes to sell their wears. I myself am guilty of using quite a few in my writing. 

But what is so appealing about these fantasy men? The hairless impressionable twink, The uniform clad cop, the solider wearing nothing but his dog tags and a smile, the frat boys in their backwards caps and muscle tees, they all have one thing in common. They are Men. Gay men seem to eroticize the idea have two "real" guys getting it on.

Is this fantasy any different then when straight men get all hot and bothered watching two women? I mean, it's basically the same primise. Do we believe that straight men behave this way when no one is looking? I'm sure some of us do. And so, I've decided to ask my readers to get involved. 

I'd love to hear from some of you guys on this subject. I realize not all of you are going to be turned on my the lumberjack, marine, jocks of the world but that totally cool. I want to hear about all kinds of guys and why they do it for you. If you are into the sterotypical male, or you ARE one that so happens to like guys. I want to hear from you too. Let me know you're real and not just a fanstay of porn or erotica. 

There's no time limit for this so shoot me an email at PatrickMonsoon@gmail.com

I'll edit down the best posts and pop it on the blog. All emails will be posted as anonymous in you request a pseudonym. I'm not afraid of a dirty mind but let's keep it legal. 18 and up please.

Patrick Monsoon M.I.A

Its been months since my last post to "Inside the Dirty Mind." and for that I am sorry. I've been hopelessly lazy when it comes to blogging and I hope to change that. But in my defense, I've been really busy dipping my fingers into a bunch of different pies and hope to have some very exiting news within the next couple months. 

For now, you'll have to be happy getting updates about me being single, the pain of writers block and random thoughts on the topic of sex. I've stressed too much about turning my blog into a brand (building a following, selling books and maintaing a professional online presence.) but I'm throwing all that out. From now on you're going to get a real glimpse inside the dirty mind on Patrick Monsoon

Stay tuned!

Whats Your Sex Degrees of Separation?

Thanks to the good people at Lloyds Pharmacy, a large chain of drug stores in the UK for those not in the know, we have a truly horrifying glimpse at how many sexual partners you've actually had. Follow the link below and fill in your age and the number of sexual partners you've had and watch that number climb into six and seven digits. The idea behind the calculator is simple and is posted in a short article in the link so I won't reiterate it here. I will say that this, in my humble opinion, is a perfect object lesson in safe sex so it's definitely worth a look.


While you're here, I'm going to recommend you to pick up a copy of my first book "Sex Degrees of Separation". I've attached the links below and you can visit any of them to read the first chapter of the book for free. I try to support budding authors by buying their work and leaving reviews when I'm done reading. I'd like to say thanks to those who do the same.


Calculator: http://calculators.lloydspharmacy.com/SexDegrees/


Sex Degrees of Separation Links:

Amazon: http://goo.gl/WNCzik

B&N:  http://goo.gl/SN0xQk

Allromance: http://goo.gl/mf919y